长篇鬼故事 - 猩氏混混车 FN2TYPER

猩氏混混车 FN2TYPER

本文核心词：本田,大猩猩,洗剪吹,废铁,不适,FN2,Jeremy Clarkson,思域Type R

The only car Ive been able to use these past few days has been the new Honda Civic Type R, and if youre a young man youre probably salivating with envy at this point.

过去几天我只能开新死鱼R（FN2），而年轻人此时应该垂涎欲滴

The old Civic Type R was the car of choice for those who listen to their stereos with the bass on 10 and the treble turned off altogether, people whose idea of facial hair is a faint earwig on their top lip.

老款死鱼R（EP3）是那些只有低音没高音的混混音响之车，他们的胡子堪比嘴上的蜈蚣

Older people were surprised by its sudden popularity, but not me, simply because it is impossible to be surprised by anything the earwig faces do these days, from wearing their trousers in the manner of a Los Angeles inmate, to the Bacardi bruisers they buy for their girlfriends. Who say like after every other word.

年长者惊讶于该车的突然流行，但我不然，因为这些混混做啥的吸引不了我，从洛圣都大牢的裤子到给女友灌的大瓶朗姆酒，而且还会一直用“像”打断自己的话

My daughter, whos a bona fide young person, has taken to wearing her school summer dress as though its some kind of bushel, with the waistline around her chest and a belt around her bottom. And anyone who chooses to do this is plainly going to make an unusual choice when it comes to saying which cars cool and which cars not.

我女儿作为纯正的年轻人，把夏季校服穿的像花篮一样，腰线提到胸口，腰带系到臀部。任何这么整的家伙对炫酷车款的评判标准都很奇葩

The old Civic Type R won favour not because it was the best hot hatchback but precisely because everyones parents - me - were still harping on about the brilliance of the Golf GTI and how sad it was that Peugeot had gone off the boil.

老款EP3 TYPE R大受欢迎不是因为本身的出色，而是因为父母辈的我们一直喋喋不休于GTI的出色以及惋惜标致的退出

But once the youth moved into Honda-land they found that, actually, the Civic had a number of things going for it. It was relatively cheap to insure - and thanks to a big Honda scene in Japan there were many performance and styling parts available over the internet.

但年轻人一本田化就发现TYPE R有些不错的属性—便宜的保险以及得益于日本的本田浪潮而出现的大量网购性能外观改装件

There was something else, too. It was actually very good fun to drive. It wasnt the fastest car in the world but for the money there was very little else that could put such a huge smile on your face. The way its little engine revved, and revved willingly, to 8,250 was always a rare treat.

还有其他亮点—开起来非常有趣。虽然不是全球最速，但性价比来说带来的乐趣很少有车能够匹敌。这台小引擎自愿冲到8250RPM的感觉绝对是稀有的享受

Even today there are global websites for owners of this pocket rocket. Every night young men are rushing back from the call centres where they work to offer and discover tasty titbits about their beloved Hondas. Kind of like, you know like say the forums. Over and over again.

时至今日全球车友会还有官方网站。每晚小混混下班回家都会说些花边内容—论坛里说有些那样，你懂的，那样

So thats why your kids are going to be interested this morning in what the new Civic Type R is like. You should maybe read this out to them. They may even grunt, or if youre really lucky, shrug.

因此孩子们肯定会对新Civic Type R感兴趣。你应该给孩子们读一读。他们可能咕哝一下，运气好还会耸耸肩

Here goes then, and first of all it looks fantastic. When Honda first showed off the basic Civic a couple of years ago we were all stunned by the detailing. The triangular exhaust pipes, the door handles that appeared to have come from a 1950s fridge and of course the Space: 1999 dashboard.

开门见山，这车看起来很赞。几年前丐版Civic上线时我们都对细节感到惊讶。三角形排气管，50年代冰箱式门把手以及70年代科幻剧《太空1999》的仪表盘

But then they put their new car on the road and oh dear. To save £1.50 theyd all been fitted with the wheels from a baby buggy. So you had this huge, super high-tech body with its art deco detailing sitting on the foundations of a Silver Cross pram. And theres nothing that says Hey, Im not a serious player in the car world more than a set of inappropriately small wheels. See the old Vauxhall Nova for details.

但之后新车出来了，天呐。他们为了锱铢必较换了沙滩车的轮圈。于是装饰艺术加身的黑科技车身就这么塞在了婴儿车底盘上。参考老款NOVA，不合适的小轮圈正是“我只是闹着玩”的绝佳选择

The Type R gets round this because its wheels fill the arches properly. That simple thing, all on its own, transforms the Civic into a properly exciting-looking car. The sort of thing youd buy for your son, and then keep.

FN2解决方法是让车轮切合轮拱。简单一笔，让普通Civic变成了颜值刺激的货色。一台你会给儿子来一台的作品

Dont, though. Because almost everything else about it is rubbish.

但千万别买，因为除此之外都是垃圾

First of all theres the drivers seat, which is adjusted with a ratchet rather than a wheel. This means you cant fine-tune the angle of the backrest. You either sit bolt upright, like youre at the kitchen table, or you lounge, like Sylvia Kristel in those early Emmanuelle films.

首先驾驶座，棘齿而非滑轮操控。意味着椅背位置一直调不好。要不然直挺挺地钉在椅背上，要不然躺着休息

Next theres the rear spoiler. From the outside it looks great, arching across the rear window like that, but from the inside it means you cannot see the car behind. You may as well use the rear-view mirror as a handy place to stick Postit notes for all the good it does.

然后尾翼。外面看起来很好，横跨整个尾窗，但车内来看基本扼杀了整个后视野。后视镜拿来挂便签纸都比看路实用

And now we move into the realms of what you get for the money. Ill save you the bother of looking it up. Its diddly squat. Not even sat nav, which is a nuisance when youre on that big roundabout in Rugby and all the signposts are pointing to places youve never heard of. Leamington or Southam? How about neither.

然后就说说性价比。不用查了，一无所有。连导航都欠奉。这在Rugby市环岛和神秘路牌上很麻烦。Leamington和Southam市？都没听说过

Engine? Well what theyve done is taken the 198bhp unit from the old Civic and popped it, pretty much unchanged, into the new one. That, of course, would be fine if the new one weighed the same as the old one, but it doesnt. It weighs a whole lot more.

引擎？额，本质上就是把EP3上的198HP引擎(K20A)再就业一下。如果二者重量相仿，没啥问题。但是非也，这车比EP3重多了

This then is like saying, Hmmm. We need a new engine to power the Queen Mary. I know.Lets get one out of that jet ski over there.

这就像给玛丽女王号皇家游轮换上水路摩托的引擎

Yes, it is still a fine engine. I really do love the revviness of all those VTEC units. But the new Civic is bound to be slightly slower and slightly less economical than the old one. And wheres the progress in that Honda, with your Earth Car and your Power of Dreams ad campaign? The fact of the matter is that Ford, Renault, Vauxhall and Volkswagen can all sell you a hatchback with much more get up and go.

诚然K20A依旧是好引擎。我很喜欢夜夜笙箫引擎的高转属性。但新款注定比老款更慢更耗油。这哪儿有本田的地球车/梦之力宣传感？更何况福特 雷诺 Vauxhall和VW都能整出更有力的钢炮

Cunningly, Honda has tried to mask this lack of oomph by fitting the new Type R with a suspension system that, plainly, is made out of bricks. Even my wife, who likes hard-riding cars and thinks the Subaru Impreza is a bit soft, was alarmed by the way the Honda leapt and crashed down the road.

古怪的是，本田为弥补动力的缺陷给新款配备了，说白了，砖头悬挂。即使我妻子这位认为Impreza有些“柔和”的家伙都对本田的颠簸感退避三尺

Me? I think its a disgrace. I dont care what its like on a track, or when its doing handbrake turns in a supermarket car park: on a normal road, on a normal day, the ride quality is completely unacceptable. Anyone whose body is held together with a skeleton is going to come home every night in several agonizing pieces.

我？我认为这就是侮辱。我不管这车赛道性能如何，或者买菜停车时的甩尾大法；正常天气正常路段下，路感完全无法忍受。任何有骨头的家伙回家后都要痛个不停

And on top of all this the car I drove could not find Radio 2. It just locked on to Radio 1, which completed my discomfort as surely as if Id slammed my head in the door.

再加上这车连广播2台都找不到。锁死在广播1台，真的让我不爽到想直接撞门

All things considered, then, I pretty much hated it. It is nowhere near as good as a Golf GTI because, to be honest, its nowhere near as good as walking. This, I feel sure, will guarantee its success among the earwig boys.

总的来说，我非常恨这废物。完全不如GTI，毕竟这车连走路都不如。于是，我敢肯定，混混们肯定会吹爆这车

总评2猩

Overhyped by youngsters without idea of a good hot hatch

不懂钢炮的小混混们过度吹嘘的货色